Hurting. Gf of 3 1/2 Years Broke Up With Me

[sweetmisery]

Sorry to put such negative thread here, but I just need advice, and this forums are one of the few that I find really honest and pure.

Just gonna make this short, my gf of 3 1/2 years broke up with me mainly cuz I dont party as much as she wants me to. Im an introvert, and mostly wanna stay at home. She invited me last night, I didnt want to cuz I got work and gym in the morning. She blackmailed me that she will leave me if I dont. I was stunned that she can say such.

Were so close, that I was planning to really propose to her next year. Our family knows us well. And weve been together thick and thin. Never have I expected this sudden change of her.

Worse, Im tryin to bulk up(as I said I go to the gym), and you cant help but gain some few fats. Anyway she is so ****ed I dont wanna go with her that she called me "ugly fat homo". Homo she said cuz Im so sentimental, I like Christmas, and Im very emotional more than her. I was so hurt, never, even my worst ex-gf , did anyone call me that. I cried for 2 hours + mainly not cuz of the insult but cuz shes able to said such. She said it out of anger for sure, still, it sucks to be talked that way.

Its not as if I havent done anything for her, in fact I did a lot. She is taking up nursin classes, and I almost daily, drive her home/drop her to school. When she needs money and comfort, Im there almost all the time. Its just that last night I wasnt really in the mood, esp. since I dont like her snotty friends.

Just needed to take that off my chest. The pain Im feeling right now is like the pain I felt when my first gf left me.

[pinkini]

I am so sorry to hear such pain in your life. I hope some warmth comes your way very soon. :gift:

[irishgirl]

It is very hard when any relationship breaks up but it is worse when it is a long term relationship now. I know it doesn't help but you will get through this and don't forget we are here for you!!!:))

[SparkleNana]

I am very sorry for your pain. Hearts really do feel as if they are breaking.

[rodmonster]

I know it sounds easier than done....but ....
Move on...
I don't mean that in a mean spirited way - but one in the way that says - do not let her or anyone else hold you back.
Move on...
You can not change what happend...but you can change what your future may be.
Move on...
I have been there before... I have been engaged before after years of being together...In the end we were not right for each other and i didn't see it until it was over. All i could do was...
Move on...
Take time to reflect, work out harder in the gym (i am a gym nut as well - still play semi pro football - bench 515 pounds right now - if that tells ya anything). Use it as a motivation. Beef up more. Make your self healthier and happier so when you run into the right person for you - you will be able to ....
Move on...
I am not saying to forget and i am not saying that you two may not end up back together. Who knows? I know for myself...i would have not met my wife who is also my best friend - who understands me and respects me....had i not ...
Moved on....
My heart is with ya - and DON'T let anyone slam on your love for Christmas or anything else! I have a full toy room of my collections, I celebrate Christmas everyday (my employees go nuts listening to Christmas music in my office), watch cartoons, write poetry, do pen and ink art, go to the opera and musicals, and have three (working on fourth) college degrees.
I also do power lifting, play semi pro football, have 20 inch arms and a 54 inch chest....
So it doesn't really matter what others think. In the end i am happy with me and if the mate i am with had not been happy with me as well - I would have had no choice but to....
Move on....

Will say a lil prayer for ya tonight!

[officepro4u]

Rodmonster ~ I couldn't have said it better myself. Sometimes when you move on, the other person suddenly realizes what THEY had! And if not, it's best to move on!!

[RadioJonD]

Its not as if I havent done anything for her, in fact I did a lot. She is taking up nursin classes, and I almost daily, drive her home/drop her to school. When she needs money and comfort, Im there almost all the time.
The extent of her true commitment is summed up in three sentences. Don't be surprised to find out there was someone waiting in the wings. If that doesn't work, she'll be back for more of the same.

Moving on ain't as bad as it seems! Courage!

Guru Brahmin

[kelly ann]

Think of it this way, it has probably worked out best for you right now, it may not seem like it but imagine if you had proposed and eventually had gotten married and then found out what she is really like???

You'll be ok, time is a great healer and you'll never know you might find someone else soon enough...and she will be forgotten about.

*hugs*
kelly

[JOHNOR]

so sorry to hear how hurt you are.

it might now seem like it now but you will move on, you will feel better and you will find someone that loves you for you.

you never know, she could realise what a mistake she has made and genuinley change the way she is, maybe it will just take some time. if not, you are better off out of it sooner rather than later.

things will work out for you, stay positive and we are here for you. x

[JayIsh]

Let me echo the same sentinments...I had to get the wrong one out of the way before I could meet the right one...And I chased that wrong one for a long time before I realized what was what...Anyone who would talk to you in the fashion that your former girl did is not worth your time...You WILL find the right one, when you least expect it!

Jay

[rodmonster]

How very true!

[kerst]

So sorry to hear this ! Don't be afraid to feel the pain. Give yourself time to heal. Wishing you al the best !

[Minta]

I completely understand how you feel. Alot of us here have been in your shoes in one way or another. I know I have and we all survived it and so shall you. You seem to have a lot of respect for youself which is great. She however does not and proved that by what she did and what she said. I will echo what others have said. It does not look like she was the RIGHT one for you and the right one will come along. Especailly when you least expect it. Sounds like this was a real eye opener for you on how she can be. If she is like this once she will be like this again. You deserve far better then that. Take things day by day and put you at the top of your list! Do what is best for you. Things will get better and easier.

[Annette1990]

Very well said Rodmonster. As the saying(s) go...you don't know what you got until it's gone. And another of my favorite saying(s) is "Always be yourself...because the people who mind don't matter...and the people who matter don't mind. Best of luck to you!

[AuntieMistletoeDear]

Anyone capable of saying cruel things out of anger and disappointed wouldn't cut it with me.

You referred to yourself as an introvert, surely after three and a half years, your former girlfriend would understand that and respect it and support you rather than trying to bully you into going out with her and her friends.

Be yourself. Trying to be something else to please someone else won't work.

Way back in High School, if I felt a bit "down", I'd buy myself a new album or some type of clothing to cheer myself up or I'd brighten someone else's day.

I'm sorry you are hurting and shocked by the way she treated you. If it were me I'd count my blessings and continue living my life my way and as others mentioned there will be someone else who will welcome what you have to offer.

[JanaBanana]

She doesnt sound very nice and a little immature if she feels like she has to party all the time. Im sure you will be better off without her.. right now it may be hard to see that , but eventually you will

[rodmonster]

To All - Great to see us all pull together to help out one of our own. Kinda feel a little like Santa's Elves..
=)

To SweetMisery - How ya doin? Feelin any better?

[George Broderick, Jr.]

Seriously, my friend... what the other posters have said... and more...

I've found that true love involves knowing your signifigant others' failings and faults and loving them all the more for them... NOT exploiting them (out of anger or anything else) or using them for "ammo" in a fight...

The right one's out there... you'll find her or she'll find you. And your ex will find what she deserves, too. Either way, it's win/win for the good guys.

Be encouraged.

[Ms_Speedy_Elf]

When you are hurting it's hard to accept and understand ,but know that when one door closes another door opens .

There is someone out there better for you.

(((HUGS)))

[DoubleA]

Im sorry to hear that, but I agree with what has been said, it will be tough, you wont feel like moving on, but its the best thing for you. Im a gym rat myself, keep going there and getting your anger and agression out, it helps a lot at times like this. Best of luck!

[JOHNOR]

To All - Great to see us all pull together to help out one of our own. Kinda feel a little like Santa's Elves..
=)

To SweetMisery - How ya doin? Feelin any better?

i agree, it's nice that everyone pulls together.

[cheryl65]

I'm so sorry you are hurting but know that you deserve so much better and you will feel better in time. Big hugs. :rudolph:

[Sunshine73]

I'm sorry you're hurting right now. :( But, honestly, as much as it hurts, it sounds like it would hurt a lot worse to spend the time and energy it takes to build a relationship with someone who would resort to such vile, nasty name calling when angry.

As cliched as it sounds, you will get through this and you will be better for it...it's just the in between time that stinks. :cry:

[Head Elf]

All the others before me have said it all, but I feel your pain and you will be better when the hurt is finally gone. I'm sorry she has to stoop that low to make her feel better. You deserve someone better in your life that loves you for you and doesn't want to change you or be vile to you. The support group that is here is unbeatable, either we have gone through what you are going through now, or something different as in an illness and just need to have that shoulder or ear. We are never far away from those in our family.

[cheryl65]

Hope you are feeling better today. :rudolph:

[Undrtakr]

I hope you feel better soon. It sometimes takes a while to heal. I know what you are going through because a while ago my gf cheated on me with my best friend BUT now I am married to a wonderful woman and have a child on the way :) Cheer up, I have been there. Do things YOU want to do and make YOU happy. Focus on yourself and you JUST might run into that special someone. I know I realy wasnt looking when I found my wife (btw I found her online at plentyoffish.com, I think thats the address :P) But yeah hang in there. We are all hoping you are feeling better. There IS someone out there for you, I know that for a fact. :) Take it easy and heck, do something Christmasy!

[sweetmisery]

THANKS ALL GUYS! I appreciate every big and small help that comes along.

Sorry I havent been around for a while, been struggling with life. With accepting the fact that Ill be doing things without her anymore, going to church, shopping, gym, eating, etc.. Been trying to rise up, its hard, but Ill see the light again.

What really sucks is Christmas is near, as much as she aint a Christmas fanatic as I am, she supports my feelings in little ways, which I love so much. Now its almost the BER seasons, I guess this will be one of the hardest Christmas... sigh.

And if you guys recall, I made a post here about getting excited over a vacation. Were really looking forward to a BIG vacation this April. Ive been saving and been talking about it for months now... cant believe that and all those dreams I got is gone. Oh well... life moves on.

My main problem now is to tell my family were not together anymore. Cuz it seems like my family and hers likes us both and are expecting so much that we will be together, just as I did.

Once again, THANKS ALL!

[Wenceslaus]

Sorry for your pain. I've been there too, wasted 3-1/2 years of my life chasing something that was never there. Move on, brother. This one isn't worth the misery.

Meanwhile, keep yourself in circulation. Go to church, the gym, do things with friends and family, maybe do some volunteer work. A healthy body and mind will give you a positive outlook on life.

[MarthaK]

Sweetmisery,
How are you doing now? I hope you are starting to recover from such a blow. I echo what the others have said about moving on. But, when I was in your position, I really couldn't see myself "moving on;" the whole concept of it hurt as bad as the break up itself.

If that's your situation, I would tell you to just take it one day at a time. Get into your own routine, spend more time at the gym, and all the other great advice that the others gave. After a while, you will find the moving on just happens all by itself.

So, here's a big cyber hug and a mug of Christmas cheer for you to get you off on the right food today. Feel free to come back here if you need a refill on those for tomorrow.

[Holiday]

I haven't responded to this post b/c I kept thinking the right words would come to me to post to you...but they don't! I have been where you are & it just plain sucks! But that was a lot of years ago for me & at the time I just swore he was the one for me & I couldn't imagine not spending my life with that person. Now when I look back, or when I see him out & about...I CAN'T IMAGINE being with him! It would have never worked! I met my wonderful husband (who is a totally different person than the one I was with) & everything has worked out for the better. (much better) I have many friends who experienced the same type situation! I sure hope that the same will happen for you too...sooner rather than later, you can look back & say "thank goodness that didn't work out!" It's hard to imagine....I know....

Hang in there!

[sweetmisery]

Thanks guys. Yeah its hard to listen to advices(do know I do!) when youre such in an emotional state. Its hard, my eyes are still sore from cryin' everyday. lol. But yeah Ill see the light again. Tomorrow is SeptemBER 1, nearing Christmas, so that should help. Thank you all guys, really really appreciate the effort typing and the advice giving for me.

[sweetmisery]

Guys ummm... I need your advice. Both our families like us, expecting us to be together and all. I have not told my side of the family yet, I dont know what to tell them. They like her a lot, even my cousins, aunts, and uncles. I just dont know what to tell them.

And as of how Im doing, still recovering. At times, Im alright, meaning I feel numb, and at times, I have a hard time breathing. Cuz I love her sooo much and I still do. I guess Im clingin to the past times when she was a lot nicer.

[officepro4u]

It is SO much easier to remember the good times because they FEEL better. That's normal. Be honest with your family. They just might surprise you and be more supportive than you're suspecting. Just tell them that you love her (you don't have to talk bad about her) but that you are just not going to work out. Tell them that you need their support right now because of the pain you're in and you don't want to discuss every detail or the why's with them at this point.

Keep your chin up! It is one of the most difficult things to go through. It's like a death. You need to mourn her. You need to mourn the relationship that you THOUGHT it was and turned out not to be. It's okay to be sad.

[George Broderick, Jr.]

Tell your family. NOW. The longer you drag it out, the harder it's going to get. Telling them will initiate closure for you.

Chin up. pal. It's all good.

[sweetmisery]

Thanks guys. Ill do that when I get the guts to. Right now, Im just living each day as if its last. Yet some times its hard to get out of bed.

[MerryChristmasLydio]

Sorry to put such negative thread here, but I just need advice, and this forums are one of the few that I find really honest and pure.

Just gonna make this short, my gf of 3 1/2 years broke up with me mainly cuz I dont party as much as she wants me to. Im an introvert, and mostly wanna stay at home. She invited me last night, I didnt want to cuz I got work and gym in the morning. She blackmailed me that she will leave me if I dont. I was stunned that she can say such.

Were so close, that I was planning to really propose to her next year. Our family knows us well. And weve been together thick and thin. Never have I expected this sudden change of her.

Worse, Im tryin to bulk up(as I said I go to the gym), and you cant help but gain some few fats. Anyway she is so ****ed I dont wanna go with her that she called me "ugly fat homo". Homo she said cuz Im so sentimental, I like Christmas, and Im very emotional more than her. I was so hurt, never, even my worst ex-gf , did anyone call me that. I cried for 2 hours + mainly not cuz of the insult but cuz shes able to said such. She said it out of anger for sure, still, it sucks to be talked that way.

Its not as if I havent done anything for her, in fact I did a lot. She is taking up nursin classes, and I almost daily, drive her home/drop her to school. When she needs money and comfort, Im there almost all the time. Its just that last night I wasnt really in the mood, esp. since I dont like her snotty friends.

Just needed to take that off my chest. The pain Im feeling right now is like the pain I felt when my first gf left me.


Why should you have to change yourself for her. If she loved you just as you are/were than why can't she no. Don't change for someone. Don't let someone change for you. Be yourself. You don't have to go party to be someone. You shouldn't have to change yourself. It sounds like she is trying to get you to buy her love. She also sounds like the kind of girl that'll put you in debt cause she wants so much from you. SHe wants you to buy her hings and spoil her. WHat good would she be to you? Has she even done anything good for you?

[MerryChristmasLydio]

ANOTHER THING! There is nothing wrong with being more emotional than a woman. I know guys who are not homo and are way more emotional than I am. She just sounds like a spoiled brat. I'm sorry but she does. Also it's Kewl to listen to Christmas music all year round and do your favorite Christmas activities all year round. i have all sorts of frinds who think it's fun. So don't feel so down dude. i was in Wal-Mart the other day washing some kind of black stuff off my knee and the whole tie i was singing Christmas songs. LOL! The people in the bathroom thought i was crazy. I just smiled at them and went about my business. It's fun and Christmas SHOULD be in our hearts all yar round cause that's when we are most kind to people.:give:;-)

[MerryChristmasLydio]

A little fat aka "Fluff" never hurt nobody! :D

[MerryChristmasLydio]

Guys ummm... I need your advice. Both our families like us, expecting us to be together and all. I have not told my side of the family yet, I dont know what to tell them. They like her a lot, even my cousins, aunts, and uncles. I just dont know what to tell them.

And as of how Im doing, still recovering. At times, Im alright, meaning I feel numb, and at times, I have a hard time breathing. Cuz I love her sooo much and I still do. I guess Im clingin to the past times when she was a lot nicer.


I am sure they will understand. If your family loves you like they should then they should understand.