Very surreal

[Maureen]

My 22 year old next door neighbour (newly moved in by herself and Jack Russell terrier) phoned to ask if I had any band-aids. I told her to come on over and when she arrived, it turned out that she'd slashed her wrist. My first-aid training kicked in so I kept my head, didn't ask too many questions and then took her to the hospital when my ministrations didn't stop the bleeding. We've had her over a few times; she's really sweet but is obviously far troubled and she gave some indication of what was behind it. Long story short, her father is now in prison for his treatment of her and her sisters.

ANYWAY, before this happened, I'd already invited her for Christmas dinner. Turns out she's stopped eating as well and passed out at work. What else can I do? If I'm honest, I've probably had more results treating her like I do my son (let's face it, she's only 6 years older). She says she'll come at Christmas but I want to make it special for her and to make sure she eats something. Any suggestions (bearing in mind I've only today realised Christmas is 10 days away!!)??

[Maureen]

Problem is Debbie that she has food; she just won't eat it:-(

I could do with that food just now actually!!

[Head Elf]

I'm not a therapist at all, but what I think she needs is someone to tell her that she is worth the air she breathes and that she is loved no matter what and I would include her/befriend her (like you did) and do the by the way check up on her. You are a great neighbor! Start as if she is a finicky eater and go from there. Merry Christmas!

[Annette1990]

I think that her being invited over and seeing the love of others around her, it may make her feel at ease and see that not all people are evil like her father. I think the more everyone makes her feel welcomed she will at least snack a little. Take something wonderful you have made and tell her you really should try these they are sooo wonderful. And I bet she will. Good luck friend, you have a heart of gold! =)

[kelly ann]

It's nice to hear that there are people like you!!!

[whychristmas]

It's great what you've done so far. Are you a Church go-er? Or do you know a local vicar/minister/priest/church that might be able to offer some counselling or point you/her in the right direction?

[xmascrackers]

A person who doesnt feel valued and doesnt believe they have anything to contribute will not get better by eating a little. I have always found that if there is something they can do that you cant - it doesnt have to be difficult - makes the person feel needed and valued. Find her a couple of jobs to do when she comes over. Things that you cant. She will feel as if she has a purpose. For me I have vertigo. I cant climb ladders or even stand on a step stool to change a light bulb without getting dizzy. I even get it just walking around. When I have people over that usually under valued (such as a couple of friends with intellectual disabilities - I get them changing light bulbs and carrying the tea tray. Little things can make a big difference in a life which feels worthless.

[Maureen]

To keep you posted, she came over on Wednesday night for some food and a chat and was really upbeat and doing really well. I've asked her to make dessert for Christmas dinner and she was really pleased (and is making something lemony - bonus!!!!!!)

The doorbell rang at 8.30 tonight and she fell in the door with her left wrist streaming. She said she didn't know how it had happened; she'd had a really bad nightmare and had fallen asleep again and woken up like that.

I'm really worried about her - the doctor has apparently told her that if she keeps doing it, she'll be committed.

She's now gone home but has been here for 3 hours and is laughing and joking so I'm slightly happier. Turns out that she got a letter today detailing exactly what her father is to be serving in prison and how much for each charge. He's in for a minimum of 15 years; says alot. Also explains the nightmares.

I've said I'll go with her to the doctor and to the counsellor (sp?) with her but guess what? The counsellor isn't available until January 7th as she's on holiday:-o Surely this is the time of year to be at the end of a phone????

Anyway, that's it so far - thanks for listening!

PS
Got her a nice scarf and hat for Christmas and a necklace!

[Maureen]

No Debbie, she doesn't have anybody around here. She comes from near Blackpool in England which is a good few hundred miles from where we are. She came here to start a new life.

I'm nobody's God sent - I'm the biggest screwup you'll ever meet; still haven't even managed to write a Christmas card!!