Family Dilemma

[novelist]

:sparkle:I have a dilemma here, and I need to vent. Here it goes, My oldest sister has had our family over for Christmas Day since as long as she has been married and started her family. WE're talking almost 40 years. I have always gone to her house, except for the last seven years since I've gotten married. The reason for that is, my husband does not like to leave the house on Christmas Day. he remembers as a kid never getting to enjoy his toys that day because they were no sooner up for the day, opened presents and were out the door again visiting family. He would rather stay home enjoying being with me and his children. I posted before that my oldest step son will be staying with us during the christmas holiday, and is bringing his girlfriend. Here's where chaos comes in. My husband has told m y sister nicely that he likes to stay home. In the begining, she wasen;'t happy about our choice but didn't say much. One year at anothere sisters family party-the weekend before Christmas my oldest siter had a huge fight with my husband-screaming and yelling because we weren't going to her house for the hioliday. I don't see what the big deal is. My second sister doesn'tr go either because they go to her daughters house, and seeing that her daughter has a four yesr old son, they don't like to leave the house either. Anyway, another thig is, all my family live in the same town or nearby twons, and get together other time throughout the yesr, so it's not like we NEVER see eachother. My oldest sister called me a little while ago, she's stiopping over later this morning to bring my gift , and I'll give her hers. She HAD to mention, I NEED to talk to my husband and see if he would consider going to her house every ohterr yesr, or something, and thsat it would be nice if we could see her grandchildren! I understand what my sister is saying, but at the same time, I understand my husband too. There is NOTHING wrong with wanting to stay home christmas day, is there? After all this time, I thought she undertstood by now-guess not! Another issue too. This is the first cxhristmas without my father. I posted before that he passed away in Octber, so tharts another reason why she thinks we should all be together. I just want everyone to be happy, let us stay home where we would like to be, and accept thatpeople have their own lives too. I see my family more than we see my husband's family, so it's not like we NEVER get together. I know family is important, but I don't see a big deal about us wanting to stay home. iT"S ONLY ONE DAY. Another thing too, this is the ONLY holiday that is made an issue about. Our family gets together for picinics in the summer months, and all m y sisters choose to have their INDVIDUAL Thanksgiving dinner with their families. My husband and I along with an unmarried sister go to our second sisters house for Thanksgiving, and she doesn't make a big deal about the ENTIRE family having to be together. Sorry for the long post, but I'm sick over this! HELP!!!

[officepro4u]

Don't worry about this one more minute! You are right to stick by your husband. There is NOTHING wrong with wanting to stay home. It's Christmas Day! A lot of people stay home. Can you go over Christmas Eve day for a little while? If not, it sounds like your sister's problem and not yours.

I know she can put pressure on you, but if you keep the mindset that it is HER issue and not yours, it should be easier to stick to your guns about his issue.

She is trying to make you choose between her and your husband and she WANTS you to choose her. She shouldn't put you in that position to being with! That isn't a loving thing to do.

Since you spend many other holidays together, it just seems more unreasonable that she's making such a fuss!

Please spend Christmas with your husband and kids AND feel good about it! They are your first priority and where you should be!

Merry Christmas:tree:
Diana

[kelly ann]

Dont worry - we have a similar problem in our family -every year!!! You do what you want to do -don't listen to anyone else.

[novelist]

Dont worry - we have a similar problem in our family -every year!!! You do what you want to do -don't listen to anyone else.
This is known as the season for PEACE-I DON'T THINK SO!!!

[morelia92]

Don't worry about it!
Follow your heart and stick by your hubby!

Tell her you are giving the gift of RELAXATION to your honey this year!

Besides it's not about her...right?

If you all are close, she'll come around :yahoo:

[whychristmas]

I'm with the others! There's also Christmas eve and boxing day - why not invite them over to you for one of those?!

My family is 'just us' on Christmas day and we've got the 'extenedids' coming over on boxing day - we might even have a sand castle competition!!!

[JayIsh]

I believe that Miss Manners, from our local newspaper, addressed this very issue last year. She said that "when the hostess invites you, you are required to respond in a timely fashion and let the hostess know that you are flattered but unable to attend. It is then the hostesses job to not take it personally, but rather focus on the guests that she will have, and if the invitation was heartfelt, find another time when the guest unable to attend can make it." These are not personal attacks, but rather adults making choices that suit them. If your sister is offended at you inablility to attend, she's really attempting to take hostages, not host a Christmas dinner...I, for one, would choose freedom over the hostage life, especially on Christmas Day. No explanations needed...Have a nice day in your own home, with your own family. If you should feel guilty along the way, that is where one would say "shame on you". You have NOTHING to feel guilty about...

[Annette1990]

I agree..Wash your hands of this and do what makes you and your family happy. I always stay home on Christmas Day. To be with MY family. I am not willing for one second to drag my daughter out and about and have to have her leave all her new toys at home. Aint gonna happen. It works for all my siblings with children to get together Christmas Eve. And to me this is more acceptable. Your sister needs to stop being so selfish and be a little more accepting of the choice you and your husband make for yourselves and your family. Don't worry about this, don't feel bad either. I wouldn't by all means.

[kerst]

I do understand your dilemma though. And especially that you want to keep the peace with both your husband and your sister. You will just have to find a compromise. Talk to your sister. Tell her you'd love to be with her but Christmas is not just on the 25th and see if she can get the whole family together on another day. Maybe your other siblings would be pleased about that new arrangement too ! Start some new traditions. If she feels ascertained that you really want to visit she will be more willing to compromise. Good luck and merry Christmas to you and your sister !:tree:

[MrsH]

I understand what you are going through. We have the same problem with Thanksgiving. This year I invited everyone to our house for Thanksgiving. My one sister-in-law stated that Thanksgiving was "her holiday" and declined. The other brother's family never even replied. I asked my Mother when we had chosen "our holidays"? She chuckled. I have officially chosen Groundhog's Day as my holiday.

Enjoy Christmas with your family and don't let your sister and "her holiday" ruin it.:razz:

[SparkleNana]

Reading over this thread made me think about my own actions. I have to be careful myself not to try to make other family members do what I want them to do. I want to remember how wonderful it is to have people to love. And how many many ways there are to celebrate Christmas! :tree:

[Christmasstar]

I know this was November of last year, but after reading all the replies here, I was wondering how your Christmas went. What are you planning for this year?

In our family we never get together on Christmas day. Our big dinner is always the Saturday before Christmas. It is expected that each family will celebrate the actual day with their own kids at home (or wherever they choose to). This is something that was started when the first of us got married and we still do now. While we cannot always get everyone together, we do the best we can and enjoy each others company.

[Lanar]

We have a small family and have always celebrated Christmas Eve together with me doing the meats, drink, desserts and people bring stuff and then Christmas Day we open presents with ou kids and I do a big turkey meal and whoever comes back comes and several has to go to the others sides or they stay home. I am not offended and figure the more leftovers less we cook that coming week.