Stay at Home Moms/Wives

[ReineV]

Hi everyone! I'm going to be getting married in just over 5 months and my fiance and I are starting to lay out the blue print for our lives. So far, we've agreed that pretty soon after we get married, I'm going to leave my corporate job and go work with my mom as co-director at her private school so that I can have a more flexible schedule and more time at home. We're still discussing when little ones will come into the picture, but I know that when they do, I want to stay at home, only I'm experiencing anxiety about not having money of my own or say in how the money is spent, etc.

I was wondering if I could get the opinions of both working moms and stay at home moms. How do you make it work? What are the pros and cons of your position? Do you wish you could have done something differently?

[Annette1990]

I work outside of the home by choice. Of course I am self employed so my job(s) allow me alot of flexibility. To the point of taking a day off when I need it, bringing my child to work if need be...etc...etc...I stayed home about the first 2 yrs of Larissa's life. I craved "adult time" during those days. Being only baby and I home all day long was tough but I am always thankful I didn't miss anything either. Such as her first words, steps, etc. I think it's important to be there for your child if you can when they are young. As they get a little older they need to be able to interact with other children to. This is also very important. I cherish the full days we had together. Being able to teach her things and not having someone else do my job so to speak. By age 2 she was enrolled in preschool a couple days a week for a few hrs. a day. This was a nice mini break for me to get caught up on things I needed to do. And a great learning and social experience for her. Do what you feel is best for your situation. If you can afford and have the option to stay home...I personally would do just that.

[Maureen]

I am a working mother through necessity. My husband decided that the 23 year old brunette at work with the rich father was a better option that his wife, 18 month old son and 10 years of marriage. Bitter, moi?!!!!

Anyway, that was 16 years ago and Bruce and I have gone from strength to strength, I have a new partner with whom Bruce gets on with brilliantly. My mother was a Godsend and I have a very well adjusted teenager. I would have given my eye teeth to be there all the time for him but short of going on welfare or asking my ex for help, working fulltime was the only option.

Sometimes you're not lucky enough to have a choice......

[emski4379]

I currently work from home. I love being home with my son every day, although I do miss the adult interaction. However, I have made several friends who are also SAHM, and that has helped. Personally, I wouldn't change a thing. I'd do whatever I could to be able to stay home with him all over again.

I feel for the pp. That's a tough situation. Having to work when you want to be home with your child is heartbreaking.

[thechristmasnut]

Im a stay home mom to five great kids there 9,7,5,3 and 1 and personally I wouldnt have it any other way. I worked until my five year old was born and have been a stay at home mom every since. We've have to really follow a budget and dont get to splurge as much as we might like but were all okay with that.

[ducktapehero]

I'm a stay at home Dad. I don't know if it's the same as a stay home Mom but I love staying home and taking care of my 3 year old son.

The reason I stay home is that for all intents and purposes I'm disabled. I don't get disability except for a little over 100 bucks from VA. Money is tight, REAL tight but somehow me scrape by. My wifes' Mom lives with us so she helps financially too.

But the positives outweigh the negatives. I get to be the one who raises him, not a babysitter. He gets my full time attention. I've been working on teaching him how to read, write, add, subtract, tell time, identify birds and other critters and of course bowling, which he is obsessed about.

I love being a stay at home Dad. None of the other Dads I talk to ever say anything about me needing to "be the man" and working. Of course I walk with a cane so it's obvious to see I'm disabled. But regardless, most tell me they're jealous of me. I got it pretty good.

[Jeff Westover]

Well, I'm not a stay at home mom but I will butt-in here to give my perspective.

Sandy and I took our vows years ago including the vow of poverty that is called being a stay at home mom. We have children ages 6-8-10-12-14-16 and 22.

It is a tough life. I couldn't buy her a car of her own until just this past year. My kids have never had what kids around them have materially and as a family we have never been able to "keep up" with the world. We've never starved. But we have known lean times. Christmas for my kids usually means just one present and that makes it all the more meaningful to them.

But, so far, it has worked out. None of our kids have strayed and all are independent, capable thinkers who will contribute well to society. Sandy has not only stayed at home but she has mostly homeschooled all the kids up to highschool.

I give her all the credit in the world. But it wasn't possible, frankly, if we BOTH didn't want the same thing and were committed to sacrificing what was necessary to make it happen. And there have been plenty of sacrifices.

We have become more convicted of this decision as life has gone on only because we have seen tragedy after tragedy unfold around us simply due to the absence of a full time parent -- and most notably a Mom. Circumstances almost always have their unique situations but ultimately we can time when "things went wrong" to when a Mom left the home.

This could be taken a bit harsh. Some Moms "have" to work. But I still contend that MOST do not -- if the whole family is willing to sacrifice. My kids have never gone without, they just have never had any extra. My kids have to buy their own cars and insurance when of age. They pay their own way through college. When older, they even buy their own clothes, make-up, music and entertainment, for the most part.

But they know the value of work and they treasure their mother. I have six daughters. I am proud of each of them and their reveling in being women. Each has a dream to be a mother too, which is the highest compliment they could ever pay back to their own Mother.

My wife does have "after children" career aspirations. And you know what? As someone who works in a world dominated by women my wife could work circles around most of the women in the workforce. She could easily run her own company and she could easily handle the management of thousands of people, much as I do now. The skills she has to have as a full-time Mom are unparalelled in the workforce and she will no doubt be a success no matter where she chooses to go when that time comes. Many falsely think that "education" will open those doors. But many with "education" can't find a job, much less hold one with much success. An experienced and dedicate Mom can do just about any job and be successful at it because of the skillset honed over their generation of time spent raising children.

As a man, nothing has been more difficult and nothing has been more rewarding than keeping to this standard. With each successive career crisis -- and believe me, there have been plenty -- my stay-at-home-wife has ridden it out with me and we've kept her home at all costs.

It has been, by far, the wisest decision we have in our entire lives ever made.

[yuletide]

I have stayed home for over 11 years and am now just beginning to get back a little bit - I regret nothing. My children and I have a great bond and many great memories - try to stay home if at all possible - you will never regret it!
Yule

[Chillywilly]

My wife was a stay home Mom for many years in the beginning of our marriage. I have a very good job and it pays well. But with our my wife Frances taking care of the kids and keeping our home in tact it wouldn't mean nothing.

When it comes to having your own money. My money isn't my money, it is our money. One reason being is that if I had to pay to have all of the things that Frances takes care of done I would be broke anyway. So in our house the money shows up as our money.

The value of a stay home Mom is priceless! That is just my two cents. My job with out our her worthless.

[miller4plusmore]

Well, I'm not a stay at home mom but I will butt-in here to give my perspective.

Sandy and I took our vows years ago including the vow of poverty that is called being a stay at home mom. We have children ages 6-8-10-12-14-16 and 22.

It is a tough life. I couldn't buy her a car of her own until just this past year. My kids have never had what kids around them have materially and as a family we have never been able to "keep up" with the world. We've never starved. But we have known lean times. Christmas for my kids usually means just one present and that makes it all the more meaningful to them.

But, so far, it has worked out. None of our kids have strayed and all are independent, capable thinkers who will contribute well to society. Sandy has not only stayed at home but she has mostly homeschooled all the kids up to highschool.

I give her all the credit in the world. But it wasn't possible, frankly, if we BOTH didn't want the same thing and were committed to sacrificing what was necessary to make it happen. And there have been plenty of sacrifices.

We have become more convicted of this decision as life has gone on only because we have seen tragedy after tragedy unfold around us simply due to the absence of a full time parent -- and most notably a Mom. Circumstances almost always have their unique situations but ultimately we can time when "things went wrong" to when a Mom left the home.

This could be taken a bit harsh. Some Moms "have" to work. But I still contend that MOST do not -- if the whole family is willing to sacrifice. My kids have never gone without, they just have never had any extra. My kids have to buy their own cars and insurance when of age. They pay their own way through college. When older, they even buy their own clothes, make-up, music and entertainment, for the most part.

But they know the value of work and they treasure their mother. I have six daughters. I am proud of each of them and their reveling in being women. Each has a dream to be a mother too, which is the highest compliment they could ever pay back to their own Mother.

My wife does have "after children" career aspirations. And you know what? As someone who works in a world dominated by women my wife could work circles around most of the women in the workforce. She could easily run her own company and she could easily handle the management of thousands of people, much as I do now. The skills she has to have as a full-time Mom are unparalelled in the workforce and she will no doubt be a success no matter where she chooses to go when that time comes. Many falsely think that "education" will open those doors. But many with "education" can't find a job, much less hold one with much success. An experienced and dedicate Mom can do just about any job and be successful at it because of the skillset honed over their generation of time spent raising children.

As a man, nothing has been more difficult and nothing has been more rewarding than keeping to this standard. With each successive career crisis -- and believe me, there have been plenty -- my stay-at-home-wife has ridden it out with me and we've kept her home at all costs.

It has been, by far, the wisest decision we have in our entire lives ever made.


I commend you Jeff. I wish my husband could think the way you do.

I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom because my mom was one and I wanted to be there for my kids like she was for me. So when my older son, Gabe, was born, I stayed at home because my husband had a really good job at the time. Then, my husband could not stand his job anymore and quit to find something else and around that time, I found out I was pregnant again! To make a long story short, our sons are 14 months apart and I haven't been back to work (except for a brief part-time, third shift job at Kohls for about 6 months). My husband has always given me a hard time about it. It's been hard because I remember how my dad treated my mom. He never made my mom feel bad about staying home. He wanted her to be there for us. Not my husband though. I even went so far as to call daycares to find out how much it would be for two kids and it wasn't even worth me going back to work. I would have worked full-time just to pay daycare. Oh, and by the way, I've been a part-time university student since 2003, when my second son, Reece, was born. I'm pursuing a double major in history and English and I am a straight A student. He doesn't even give me credit for that! So the boys will both be in school full-time in the fall and I will be getting a job. However, I told him I am only working part-time because I'm still going to school. We'll see how it goes. I've been out of the work force for almost 7 years. I don't think it is going to be easy.

Anyone considering staying at home should make sure that you discuss it long and hard with your spouse. You don't want to end up in a situation like mine. Cross your fingers and hope that you have wonderful support like Jeff has given his wife.

[SparkleNana]

First of all, love and support to everyone who has raised their child with love - no matter how they did it!

My husband and I alternated being the "stay-at-home-parent". Our children are extremely close and loving to both of us. (And, all our children thiink it is GREAT for either mom or dad to be the stay-at-home one. And they are all very involved with their own spouses and kids.)

During their childhood, it broke my heart that we couldn't give them all of the financial benefits of the two-working-parents families around us. All our children worked at jobs as soon as they could - baby-sitting, paper boy, lawn mowing, and then at restaurants and stores. In retrospect, I see how it made our children extremely generous, hard-working, good people - who are all very financially successful.

So, do the best you can as you raise your children - with love. Don't criticize other people - and don't let anyone criticize you.

And about the money -- I've heard it said that "people are with money the same way they are with love". In other words, if someone is completely generous and "doesn't count the cost" with their money with you, that is the way they will be with their love with you. That has been true in my life. My husband has been as generous as can be to me and to his children - with his love and with his money.

And you know what -- I bet there are millions of other loving couples, where money is handled differently in each one.

[Sweet_Pea1992]

Back in 1994, I was in a head-on collision, that has left me disabled. My youngest daughter at that time was only 3 months old, and my oldest daughter was 6. My oldest didn't know anything but babysitters and daycare up until the accident. To this day, I am a SAHM, and I wouldn't have changed any of it, except maybe the accident. Money isn't everything, and things have been real tight for the past 15 years. My children don't have the latest fashions, or the newest gadgets, but they have love, and hearts of gold. And I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world.

Respectfully, you really need to talk to your husband, and make those decisions, together. The key to all of this is communication.....Always! Talk honestly and openly to each other, and remember....just because you decide on something now, doesn't mean it can't be changed later.

Good Luck to you and your growing family. God Bless!!

[kelly ann]

Well, I am a stay at home mother, mostly not out of choice because childcare and daycare etc is just too expensive. What I might earn in a week would be spent on daycare, so the logical thing is to stay at home. But, I wanted to be home with my daughter because I didnt like the idea of someone else bringing my daughter up throughout the most important years.
I went to college/university, after that I had some work in retail. Then I got married and soon after my daughter came along and for the past four years Ive been home with her. It is hard, as I dont see many people throughout the day...yes it can get pretty lonely!! My husband is a welder by trade but is soon to be looking for another job. He isnt on great money for what he does and sometimes we have to tighten our belts. But we're fine, we dont go without, certainly not paige, my daughter. The only problem stopping me from going back to work now, is Paige is still in half day at nursery for another year!! Which is why im doing a course now so when shes eventually in fulltime , at least I can go out to look for a job doing something I want to do or work freelance.
Its important to have a life aswell. Do make time for you and your partner.

[MrsSoup]

I am a stay at home mom and have been since 2004. I was in the Army before and when I got out, it was hard to find a job that I liked. I bounced through several jobs before I decided to go to college. I went to college a few hours a couple days a week and stayed at home with my son the rest of the time. After I finished my A.A. degree I started taking online classes and became pregnant again. To this day i'm still taking online classes and I graduate with my B.A. in Psychology in December. We have a 2 year old daughter who I have stayed home with from day 1. I can't imagine leaving her with anyone else, although with my son I had to because I was in the Army when I had him.

My husband is in the Army and his income more than supports our family. We have a pretty comfortable lifestyle. I do miss talking to adults and I don't really have any friends to have play dates with so it does get lonely. But I know my daughter loves having me home. My son starts kindergarten in August and before that he was in preschool. Once I graduate I will be furthering my education and possibly looking for a job because I want to work. I guess my main thing is that I don't want my DD to be in daycare until she is old enough to tell me what went on during the day.

[JanaBanana]

I have been a stay at home/wife for 17+ years... I married my husband when I was only 17 and we decided before marriage that he would work outside the home and I would be the one staying home and taking care of the kids... I LOVE it. I cant ever imagine anything else.. I didnt have children to put them in a daycare. He has always supported me and has never told me to "go get a job" because he knows this is my job... his money that he makes is our money... my children have never known anything different... I just couldnt imagine not being here for them when they got up in the mornings or home from school. Im very much a gal from the 50's era you could say, because I enjoy this.. the cooking, cleaning, taking care of my hubs...

[Holly11]

I am a stay at home mom of five years. I have a 4 1/2 year old and a two year old. I am so happy that I was blessed with being able to stay home with our children. When our son was 18 months old I sat in a pediatrician's office and listened to him say he thought our son had "autistic tendacies". After I picked myself up he went into speech and occupational therapy. We also had therapists come to our house through an early intervention program. Our son just had an acutal autism test done and he is NOT on the spectrum. He still has difficulty in some social situations, noises, and in certain stores due to the space (has a fit in Lowe's). But, I firmly believe if I had not been able to stay at home with him he would not be doing this well. That is why I said I was so blessed with being able to stay home. Not everyone has this choice to make. Some families need two incomes. This is a decision each family has to make for itself. Once the decison is made I pray it is supported by all around you. After all, aren't we all just mommies and daddies doing what we need to do?

[novelist]

:cry:I have been a stay at home wife for 5 years now. I worked full time in retail untill I married my husband. We were both older when we married. i was 42, he was 48. When we married, i went part time at the same retail store. I was very lucky they accomadated me, because i didn't want to work nights anymore. My hours were great, 8am-2pm. When the store closed in 2003, I stayed home and collected unemployment. For the first time ever, I knew what it was like to be a stay at home wife, and I really enjoyed it. My husband liked me being home too, so we decided to keep it that way. Like other posters here, it's not my husband's money, it's OUR money. My husband is great about giving me money when I need it. I'm never bored being home. We have our own home, and I keep busy. I'm busy in our home, but I also have interests of my own. My husband and I love our life, and wouldn't have it any other way.

[Maureen]

Okay, I'm going to risk alienation here, but I feel compelled to add my further thoughts on this.

Reading through this thread, I think there is only one other post, apart than mine, where the mother works. I'm pretty sure there are other members out there that do work but I think are feeling a tad .....intimidated to post.

I'll admit to my hackles rising on a couple of occasions. Although I'm sure it wasn't intended, I feel mothers who work are being judged and left wanting over their choice to work instead of being a SAHM (as people say). It's not a clear cut case of "Well, if they were happy to settle for less, they could stay at home" In my own case, it simply wasn't an option to stay home but there are people out there that choose to work for whatever reason and they should NOT be made to feel that their children are somehow of lesser importance because they do not stay at home with them. Parenting does not begin and end with staying at home with your children. There are as many kids that go off the rails with mothers at home as do with mothers that work.

I'm REALLY pleased that your life choices work for you and that you wouldn't have it any other way, but please realise that there are others out there with alternative lifestyles and what works for you will not necessarily work for them and they should not be made to feel any less of a parent for their choice. No decision is ever entered into lightly, especially where your kids are concerned

Just my opinion.......

:cry:

[Scrappin Not Nappin]

Being a stay at home spouse is a JOB! People pay day care but don't think about paying the person who is at home taking care of the kids. Decide now that if you'll be the person at home, you are worth as much as the best day care and private school tuition cost. Stay at home spouses are priceless. Have some money set aside each pay period for your personal spending and then spend it on yourself. You deserve it. And set up a time to be on vacation, the kids can go to day care for a few days every year.

[JOHNOR]

Okay, I'm going to risk alienation here, but I feel compelled to add my further thoughts on this.

Reading through this thread, I think there is only one other post, apart than mine, where the mother works. I'm pretty sure there are other members out there that do work but I think are feeling a tad .....intimidated to post.

I'll admit to my hackles rising on a couple of occasions. Although I'm sure it wasn't intended, I feel mothers who work are being judged and left wanting over their choice to work instead of being a SAHM (as people say). It's not a clear cut case of "Well, if they were happy to settle for less, they could stay at home" In my own case, it simply wasn't an option to stay home but there are people out there that choose to work for whatever reason and they should NOT be made to feel that their children are somehow of lesser importance because they do not stay at home with them. Parenting does not begin and end with staying at home with your children. There are as many kids that go off the rails with mothers at home as do with mothers that work.

I'm REALLY pleased that your life choices work for you and that you wouldn't have it any other way, but please realise that there are others out there with alternative lifestyles and what works for you will not necessarily work for them and they should not be made to feel any less of a parent for their choice. No decision is ever entered into lightly, especially where your kids are concerned

Just my opinion.......

:cry:

very well said maureen. i agree completley.

i don't have any children yet, i am a trained theatre actress and i am trying so hard to get work, but it's a very difficult business to get established in, therefore until i have a little success and i am earning a little money i will not have children. once this happens, i believe i will still want to work once my kids are a little older, i see nothing wrong with that at all.

if people are lucky enough to have the option of being a stay at home mum and they want to, good luck to them, i can imagine it's hard work but very rewarding. if people aren't lucky enough to have the option to be a stay at home mum then i don't think it makes any difference to the well being of the child, the child will still be loved/cared for and the parent should not feel guilty, you can only do your best and that will be good enough.

[Sweet_Pea1992]

To All the Working Parents:
I do have to apologize, as I didn't mean for my post to sound "one-sided". I have been in the work force and I have not. It IS totally up to the parents of the children, and what works for them. I give GIANT "Kudos" to all working parents, as I know how hard it must be to juggle work schedules, childrens activities, and all the other things that come with parenting. Your children are the most important thing, and they will NOT feel less loved or cared for, just because you decide to work. In this day and age, I think that both parents almost need to work, to keep above water. But on the other hand, some parents don't have a choice but to stay home, say because of a disability.

I guess that the true way that I feel, is that anyone who has children, and love them, and care for them.......I thank you......for there are far too many children, who would just love to have parents at all.

[SparkleNana]

Very nicely put, Sweet Pea1992! I join you in praising all parents who love their children!

[Holly11]

May I also apologize for sounding one sided? I certainly never meant to convey anything but respect .

[JanaBanana]

I personally do not think either one of you came across as one sided.. I think everyone needs to do what they feel is best for their own personal family. I think there will always be a "debate" against working versus staying at home moms. Im not going to defend why I choose to be a stay at home mom. Its our choice, as its the choice of those that work outside the home. Every situation is different. I enjoy my job to the fullest :)

[Jeff Westover]

I know plenty of women who "have" to work for one reason or another -- including the choice to work just for the sake of having a career outside of the home.

Now don't get me wrong. I think it is important for any mother to be prepared for any eventuality. Heaven forbid if something happened to me and my wife had to go back into the workforce.

But I don't believe it is humanly possible for a woman to take on a FULL time career and then escape the guilt that comes along with not being there for your kids in a critical moment.

I have seen it too many times to think of it any other way. I have NEVER in my experience seen a woman feel bad about having too much time with her children. But I have seen plenty who feel the opposite.

Women are wired that way by nature I believe and for good reason. Not to be harsh, but talk to any woman about having an abortion -- many will talk one way and usually in a very opinionated way...and then take a completely different tact once they've actually had one.

Some women never reconcile why they feel the way they do. They don't understand that by nature they are given those processes for a reason and that those reasons are GOOD and for their benefit. And they are tailor made for the fine art of raising children. For many women, not only do these talents over take other interests they lead to experiences that enlargen their souls in ways a job never could.

My wife doesn't "work" but she has plenty to occupy her adult interests -- which is, really, I think behind the "need" many express to work. SAHMs suffer many times because of a lack of adult interaction, challenge, stimulation and recognition. That's called being human. And that's the job of a willing partner to help overcome.

Frankly, too many men don't do their part and step up to take over. I might have to travel 5000 miles a week but when I get home I have to be Dad no matter how I feel or what I want. (Sometimes I have to be Dad while on the road, which is always interesting). Moms, after all, have to be Mom 24-7. Many men -- and perhaps this is natural in our case, I don't know -- just check out once they get back to the castle.

In any event, being a parent means checking your "feelings", wants and desires at the door for the betterment of your kids. God in his wisdom has designed it that way and we end up being better people because of it.

I don't judge women who work for whatever reason. But I do feel bad for those who get caught in the trap of thinking they can do both. I work in a female dominated company and I see it over and over again. We lose talented women who thought they could raise their kids and do their jobs. Many go away wanting to come back later -- others have to stay while their lives fall apart. Either way, there is heartache.

The only way to do it to satisfaction is to decided to do it together and take on whatever comes up. TWO have to be dedicated to the idea or it just ain't going to work. In some sad cases I've seen women manipulate their husbands because they NEED to be mothers -- and then disaster ensues because he didn't want kids. That doesn't work either.

You both gotta wanna. And that's why marrying the right person is so critical.

[JanaBanana]

They don't understand that by nature they are given those processes for a reason and that those reasons are GOOD and for their benefit. And they are tailor made for the fine art of raising children. For many women, not only do these talents over take other interests they lead to experiences that enlargen their souls in ways a job never could.

I like that

[miller4plusmore]

Being a stay at home spouse is a JOB! People pay day care but don't think about paying the person who is at home taking care of the kids. Decide now that if you'll be the person at home, you are worth as much as the best day care and private school tuition cost. Stay at home spouses are priceless. Have some money set aside each pay period for your personal spending and then spend it on yourself. You deserve it. And set up a time to be on vacation, the kids can go to day care for a few days every year.

Here, Here! I wish my husband, and the world, would take notice!
:))

[Faithmom6]

Hello Yall,
I too am a stay at home wife/mom.
We've been married for 20 years (August 13th was our anniversary).
We have home schooled all of them. It's been a challenge. But we've made it!! I am of the belief that people pay for what they really want. That's been the way it has been for us. Our children haven't had the very best brand new stuff their friends have had. But we have good kids and they aren't selfish.
It hasn't been an easy road, but a good one. I'm so thankful my husband saw the benefits of home schooling and me stay home with my babies!!
By the way, we listen to the Christmas music from this radio station as we do school. We turn it way down low and the music is fun and relaxing.
I'm so sorry for the wives/moms who long to be home and raise their children. I wish them the very best for what they do!!:treeguy:

[kelly ann]

I have three cousins in Denmark and each of them went back to work after 6 months. The children were put in daycare from that age up until when they start school when they're six. I think its because the lifestyle is differnt over there and women are required to go back to work after a period home with the children. They cannot claim unemployment over there unless they have so many working hours, and there is no help as such money wise if you havent got a job. The laws are quite strict. Someone please correct me if I am wrong here, but this is what Ive been told. What do you think of this?

[trackrebel]

wow...and I always thought the Social System in Danmark is quite well....


I am a stay at home mom since March 2006...and will be so until Kandice, my daughter starts pre-school next year....then I will find a job....whatever I will find...I´ll do it.....I´m at home, simply because I want to raise her myself....and my mother can´t take her every day, because she has an rheumatic disease....If she could have taken her...I might have done it...but even then....I prefer raising her myself instead of daycare....I have plenty of friends tho, who started work 8 weeks after giving birth.....if it helps them to be happier I´m all for it.

Another problem with me....and another reason for staying home is....I´ve had a terrible post-partal depression...(those depressions, mothers sometimes develope after giving birth)....I had to take medication until two months ago and still see a doctor twice every month....for that...I need health insurance....and in Germany...You have that always...when You have a job....and if You don´t have a job...You have to claim unemployment or HartzIV....which is a little money help including health insurance....If I have a small 400 Euro job...I will fall out of that help...which is what I want...but with the help that is gone...the insurance is gone as well...and it will have to be paid private....which will be about 200Euro.....so if I would do a 400Euro job....which will be like 2x4 hours the week....we would have much less money, because of the health insurance thing....So my finacée and I are planning to get married....firstly because we love each other and secondly....because we live like a married coupled anyway and will save a lot of money being married....because when You are married in Germany....and Your spouse has health insurance.....the other spouse and the children have insurrance as well.....

We are pretty tight with the money and have struggled quite a lot....I´ve a cried a lot....because I´m at home and can´t have a fulltime or at least halfday job....but on the other hand, I´m glad I did not miss any of the developement steps of my babygurl...so it always has two sides...

[kelly ann]

Im pretty sure thats what I heard from my cousins, that they were expected to go back to work.
Ill ask them again next time I mail them

[joyful]

My mother worked and I purposed in my heart that my kids would not have a mom who worked outside the home. I can remember hating coming home from school to an empty house.
I did have to go to work for 2 years but I quit and put my son first because I refuse to put him in day care and have strangers take care of him. Sure I gave up some things financially but if me staying home with him had anything to do with the wonderful husband and father he is today, then it was all worth it.

Childhood goes by so quickly never to be recaptured. Granted some mother's have to work, like mine did but I always had my dad home with me or an relative when I was too young to stay alone. My Dad would take me with him when he worked as a truck driver hauling coal.

And when I first started working my husband and I worked different schedules so our kids had at least one of us home with them. Then my husband changed jobs and then I quit to be home with my children.