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An Unwelcome Anniversary

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Posted 07-30-2010 at 03:54 AM by caninemom3
Tags death

On August 12 of this year it will be the commemoration of an anniversary I wish had never happened, the death of my beloved big brother, Andy. It will be 33 years this year since Andy passed and to tell you the truth, I still miss him as much now as I did then. Andy was just 31 years of age. A good guy and a bit of a rable rouser. His favorite band was the Rolling Stones. In fact, I can still see him sitting in our parents' living room listening to the Stones with headphones while singing along ! He didn't realize that what was being heard by the rest of us could be likened to a Tom cat wanting to mate. We were very close. He was always very protective of me and let me know that he would be here for me no matter what, except that he no longer is. That Summer day, August 12, 1977, it was very hot. Andy was going through a period of being down on his luck. He had been laid off from his job and was back living with our parents. His wife had kicked him out and was seeking a divorce. Very often on the weekends Andy would stay with David and I at our apartment. It was not a problem. In fact it was a blast. David loved him as much as though he was his own brother as I did and the 3 of us together were such fun. We saw the very first Star Wars movie together and he loved it so much. Andy and I would often have silly squirt gun fights that year and chase each other outside as though we were much, much younger than we were. He and I often walked to the library together here in town to get books and talked, talked, talked.

Friday August 12, 1977, started as any other Summer day. It was hot. Just as hot as it is now or worse. David was doing some work at his mom's house and I was at the apartment by myself. Andy was supposed to come over for the weekend. By 6:00 that evening, he had not shown up and I began to worry. He was always somewhat unpredictable and sometimes late so I tried to push the anxiousness and the feeling of doom I had away. Then I got a phone call. It was my mom saying that she and my dad would be right over and not to worry that everything would be okay. Okay ?? What had happened ?? And looking out the door, still no Andy in sight. A few moments later my parents and David pulled in at the same time. "This can't be good" I thought. My mother was the one who told me. Andy and a friend had gone swimming that afternoon in a local strip mine. They had been drinking and diving off a cliff and one time when Andy dove, he simply did not come back up. The county sheriff was involved and divers also because he had to be retrieved. He even made the front page of the local paper, something he would have found hysterical. Everything was moving in slow motion. I had never experienced death of a loved one before then. Andy was the first. I was numb and hysterical at the same time. Then the numbness wore off and the hurt began. What would I do withhout my dear brother and friend ? My mentor ? My "playmate" ? I was lost utterly and completely. The next few days we all went through the motions of living. At the calling hours I went to where he was. I touched him. He was so cold. Not Andy any more. I did not know before then that people got cold after death and that the warm, kind and mischievous spirit that had once inhabited that shell was gone forever from me. My parents had it worse, of course. Burying a child especially at their ages of 76 and 69 had to have been the most unbearable loss of all.

There is not a moment I don't think of Andy. Every time a Stones song comes on, particularly a song from the album "Sticky Fingers" Andy's very essence is somehow in those songs. Everytime I see a young man being slightly belligerent with the police I remember Andy especially if he has auburn hair. I talk to him sometimes. He would now be 64 and Andy at 64 I am sure would have been just as much fun as Andy at 31. I pray every night that he is safe and that somehow he knows I am thinking of him. I never actually told him I love him. I hope how we were together as friends, as brother and sister told him. I just really wish I would have spoken the words......
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    Christmas-A-Holic's Avatar
    So sorry to hear of your loss.
    Posted 07-30-2010 at 07:04 AM by Christmas-A-Holic Christmas-A-Holic is offline
  2. Old Comment
    xmas365's Avatar
    He sounded like a great friend, and brother. I know how hard these anniversaries are. I am sure he is still keeping an eye on his little sister.
    Posted 07-30-2010 at 08:44 AM by xmas365 xmas365 is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Bradmac's Avatar
    I'm so sorry you lost your brother, especially at such a young age.
    Posted 07-30-2010 at 09:38 AM by Bradmac Bradmac is offline
  4. Old Comment
    MsChristmas's Avatar
    Im very sorry to hear about the loss of your Brother. I can not imagine what you have been going through over the years. You are such a wonderful and amazing person..I dont know how you do it after what you have been through!
    Posted 07-30-2010 at 09:45 AM by MsChristmas MsChristmas is offline
  5. Old Comment
    ChristmasHeart's Avatar
    My heart reaches out to you, CM. I can hear the love you have for your brother through your words. I am so sorry and my thoughts are with you. You are an amazing woman!
    Posted 07-30-2010 at 06:06 PM by ChristmasHeart ChristmasHeart is offline
 

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