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The Return of The Worry Wart Kid

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Posted 11-10-2010 at 07:19 PM by caninemom3
Tags wart, worry

I am so tired. I wish I could just go to sleep. To rest, what a concept !! No matter how much sleep I get I never seem to feel rested. A lot of it is because I just cannot seem to clear my mind (what little mind I have left after being a young person in the 1960s !!).

There are so many things/situations going on that I do not know the outcomes of which are making me very, very tense.

First, my stepson, DJ, has finished his chemo and went for his followup PET scan yesterday. He will not know the results until next week.

What will they be ?? Did the chemo obliterate the Hodgkin's ? Was there only a partial response ?? What if there was no response at all and it is refractory ?? If it did respond will it come back ??

I worry about so many things. I know that worry is not constructive and is not conducive toward a favorable outcome. It is just the way I am.

I worry constantly about my sister. She is 66 and although she is very healthy I still worry about her. I cannot be here without her. That just will not work. Now, nobody says that I will be without her but I still worry. She is all I have left as far as my family of origin. If there is mercy I will never be without her, ever.

My furchildren. Four of them are old, 2 of my canines and 2 of my felines. My 2 elder felines have not been doing well. First Gobling, my 15 year old black cat, was really really sick but we got him turned around for the time being. He takes a drug called prednisolone which is like prednisone because he seems to have some sort of inflammatory process going on. Then there is my Punkin', my other elder feline. A few weeks ago I found out she had a liver problem. The doctor told me that this happens from time to time. He told me that
Punkin' had a sort of blockage of biliary sludge and that she needed to be admitted to the hospital for IV fluids and he stated that treatment should do the trick. We take Punkin' in tomorrow for a followup blood draw. Specifically a recheck of her liver enzymes. What if they are still elevated ? Does that mean it is time for ........?? I also worry about what might happen to my beloved furchildren should something happen to me. Yes, my husband would take care of them but not the way I do. He yells a lot and often at them except of course, when I step in. I am not a big person but anyone messes with my furchildren and they are going to draw back a stub or be short of a lung and believe me, he has learned that. But if I were no longer here ?? It makes me tear up to think of it.

My job. I know we all worry about our jobs. Being that I have worked at home the last 3 years and I am a transcriptionist what would I do if I lost my job ?? My husband is retired and seems to not have a care in the world as far as even trying to get another job (which he promised he would do) and no interest in making or trying to make plans for me to be able to quit someday. I am not a Spring chicken any longer. Am I going to be able to keep working as long as I need to ?? If so, am I going to have my job ??

I am always and constantly worried about money. We have no savings, live from pay to pay and though that is dangerous for younger people, it has to be even more so for people of our ages. This is the time in life when we are supposed to have saved money in a "nest egg". No nest egg here. It seems to have flown the coop.

I realize a lot of this is anxiety. I have tried many medications in my life for anxiety and have been unsuccessful in finding one which alleviates my problem to any degree.

I believe there is a saying which goes something like this: "You can ruing your todays by worrying about your tomorrows". How do I stop "ruining my tomorrows" ? I have not one inkling of a clue.

Believing in God as I do, I should be able to just turn it all over to Him and let it go. No. Not me. I keep taking it all back to worry about.

There is something that actually does help. At least temporarily. That is Christmas and this wonderful, miraculous site. Right now I have Music Choice on the all Christmas station. Hearing the time worn carols by the various artists is so soothing, so reassuring. When I come to MMC it actually is like coming to a different world. I don't worry while I am here. At least not as much. I believe the spirit of Christmas is truly here in and around this site.

Through all of this I know God hears me. I need to hear Him though I have a feeling He is speaking loud and clear. It is probably just me who needs to listen a little more closely.
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  1. Old Comment
    MerryCarey's Avatar
    Back in 1986, the success rate for treating Hodgkin's disease was 75%. It must be even higher today, so take heart---the odds are very much in DJ's favor.
    Posted 11-11-2010 at 07:41 AM by MerryCarey MerryCarey is offline
 

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