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Old Dog Learning New Tricks

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Posted 02-18-2011 at 07:37 PM by caninemom3
Tags dog, learning, trick

From the moment we enter this world we begin learning and if we are lucky we never stop learning as long as we live. I have never had a lot of faith in my ability to learn or for that matter to be able to do anything.

When I look back it seems I HAVE learned a lot over the past 56 years. I learned that I can get through lots of things I never even dreamed I could. I have always envisioned myself as weak and too fragile emotionally to withstand unfortunate circumstances.

The truth is I, as well as all of us I believe, have an inner strength which comes to the surface when we need it. We may not know it is there, but I believe we all have it. I believe our Father has given this gift as well as many others to us.

As I have stated in a previous blog, I was once bullied in school. I never thought I would live through it. Each day was terror but through the grace of God and my wonderful mother and brother, Andy, I learned how to cope. I learned that yes, tomorrow would come and the sun would shine again. I just had to persevere.

Years later, I started working for a local hospital as a medical transcriptionist. Something else I never thought I was bright enough to be able to do. My supervisor was a somewhat psychotic at times transcriptionist who was a minister's wife and who seemed to use me as her scapegoat. When there was nobody else around but the two of us she said things to me and about me that hurt me so deeply I still have nightmares about them and her.

Once again I learned that indeed I did possess what I needed to make it through yet another awful situation.

There have been many partings in my life as well as in all our lives. When I was a child I knew that this thing called "death" would probably take my family from me someday and spent most of my childhood scared about it even though I did not realize that worry plays no role in alleviating the inevtable.

My dear brother Andy passed away when he was just 31 from drowning, I was just 22. I had never experienced a death before nor had I seen someone who was deceased. Andy was my best friend in the whole world and I was so lost without him. Once again, I learned that I could and did make it through even though I lost such a loving and important influence in my life.

My soul mate and the love of my life, David, committed suicide right here in the house where I still live in 1992. I found him when I came home from work that afternoon. He had put a 45 caliber to his head and pulled the trigger. I thought my life was over and on quite a few levels it was. I was graced once again to somehow land on my feet and persevere onward. Try to become a better "me." I went on to go to a career college, learned how to type and got my certificate in medical transcription. Another trick learned by this old dog.

Life is hard, devastating and cruel. However, life is also loving, fun filled, joyous and finding a balance is a trick I have yet to master.

I started working a new job just 2 weeks ago. The company I had been transcribing for all of a sudden began running out of work during my shift. I hung on as long as I could staying loyal to them. I finally had no choice but to leave and get another job in order to meet my financial obligations. Miraculously I found another company which offers full time AND benefits AND it is transcription and right from my home. It is working midnight shift which to this point I have not done before. The accounts I have are among the most difficult I have ever encountered in transcription and I am often so exhausted in the morning I just fall right into bed and do not awaken until the afternoon.

We just never know what "tricks" we may be required to learn while we are here. The important thing I think for me is for me to try to believe in myself and in turn be able to help others believe in themselves. Believing in myself may be the toughest "new trick" this "old dog" has ever had to learn. I no longer think of myself as weak. I seem to have been given a stregnth to endure, to carry on no matter what. I of course don't know how many more "new tricks" this old dog has before her yet to be learned but I have to trust that I have the strength and ability to persevere no matter what those tricks may be.
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