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"Of All The Charlie Browns In The World....."

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Posted 09-17-2011 at 09:17 PM by caninemom3

The most wonderful time of the year is upon us again. Christmas time. The lights, the feeling, the magic in the air that you can actually breath in. Most everyone in my Christmas family are looking forward to the Season of Seasons. I love Christmas absolutlely and totally adore it yet this evening as much as I want to think about it and feel the excitement like everyone else, I cannot.

Frustration. Anger. Sadness. Hopelessnes. Uncertainty. Fear. Regret.

These feelings are not the feelings of someone who is looking forward to Christmas. Instead they are feelings which indicate and have indicated for many years the need for a drastic change in lifestyle. A change I am not brave enough in any way, shape or form to bring about.

I have spoken of this in the past and for those who have read my blog, you know what and who I am referring to.

The problem is I feel powerless to effect the changes that I know in the long run would be best for everyone. It would/will mean uprooting my life completely and while none of us ever finds this easy, at the age of 57 I feel it quite implausible and improbable.

So here I sit hoping against hope that somehow by some miracle and magically things will just get better. I know in my logical mind that is not the way things work. In order for change to happen sometimes we have to be courageous and intstitute the change ourselves.

I feel just like I think Charlie Brown felt. He loved Christmas but he was troubled by what it all meant and he just couldn't let go and enjoy it because of uncertainty and doubt.

He was depressed and felt he was an oddball. Of course, in the end Charlie was fine. He truly discovered what Christmas was all about and gained a sense of happiness.

Perhaps, if I could just get some of the cowardly lion's courage, I could make the changes that are long overdue in my life.

Until then, I am on the fence so to speak. Stuck hoping and praying for guidance for a path to emerge for my life.
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  1. Old Comment
    xmas365's Avatar
    Louann, my thoughts are with you. You have to do what's best for you. I know it is hard to make tough decisions, but if it can improve your life you need to think long and hard about it to get to that decision.
    Posted 09-21-2011 at 09:10 PM by xmas365 xmas365 is offline

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