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Mixed Feelings and the Holidays!

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Posted 12-23-2011 at 07:12 AM by gabulldawg

Well I can't believe it's the holidays again. As the song goes "another year older,Another year just begun" or however it goes...I have somewhat mixed feelings this year at the holidays and feel guilty for having them at all.
Back in 2009 at the holidays I was just getting back on my feet from a divorce from being married 13 years so everyone kinda expected me to be a mess and I was. I don't remember getting out of bed except to work the month of December. Last year was a really good holiday season. I don't remember feeling like this. As I am in the final days before I offically and finally become a dad I find myself questioning alot of things...and I really had high hopes for this holiday season. But on November 6 of this year everything changed in a big way with my parents getting injured and my dad having a major stroke and even though he made it,and may somewhat recover,it hurts me that I know he is hurting this season and I can't help it,I know he wants to be home instead of a nursing home. But I know in the long run he is better off there where he can get better treatment and rehab.
All of these feelings of helplessness along with a few other things I would never be able to explain in a blog have me feeling blue,and major guilt for feeling blue. I am nervous about becoming a dad hopeing I'm not a complete failure or a joke!
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  1. Old Comment
    xmas365's Avatar
    Neil,

    I can relate to the nervousness of becoming a first time dad, I worried about everything, about my wife, about being a good dad, what if the baby is ugly? Yes I actually worried about that. There were a lot more things I worried about also but remember they are only newborn once, enjoy every second with Jordan, look at the overnight feedings with joy not discontent, it is such a great bonding time I had with my first son, I missed it big time with my second son since he took to breast feeding and I missed out on that time. Just enjoy this time, it will be a learning experience for all three of you. The holidays are always tough when someone in your family isn't 100%, I know you are on the other side of the country from your father, and I can't imagine how you feel not being closer to him, just take as much comfort in that he is in the best hands possible, and he has people that are trying to help him get better. Enjoy your Christmas friend, my thoughts are with you, Brandi, Jordan, and your parents and family.
    Posted 12-23-2011 at 07:28 AM by xmas365 xmas365 is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Hi Neil,

    There is nothing to feel guilty about. It is more than understandable that you are upset this year. I can relate. The year my first husband died it was in November, just a couple of weeks before Thanksgiving. Part of me really wanted and needed the joy of Christmas but another part was just devastated and lost. With the help of good friends and also with family I made it through that year. I even had help putting up the tree.

    It has to be super tough with your dad having gone through and going through what he is. Please know that your Christmas family are ALWAYS here for you. God bless - you are going to be a WONDERFUL dad xo

    Oh, and Merry Christmas ((Hugs)) xo
    Posted 12-23-2011 at 03:45 PM by caninemom3 caninemom3 is offline
 
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