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Finding Christmas

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Posted 03-08-2012 at 08:13 PM by Jeff Westover

Here it is early March and my Christmas tree is still up.

That sounds like the confession of a crazed Christmas fanatic but the truth is far less romantic. My tree is up because much of my house, my life, my websites (such as this one) has all been in a suspended state due to a family crisis.

I won't detail that event here other than to say I'm sorry I've been gone. It is easy to excuse things when you can claim it is a life or death situation but honestly, it hasn't been life or death, at least not in the traditional sense. It has merely been what some would classify as teenage drama.

I don't suspect anyone will understand that. But these are MY kids I'm talking about and they are simply the world to me. I know they have to grow up and I know they must assume adult issues at earlier and earlier ages. But oh, how I wish I could go back in time and preserve them for just a little while longer, locked in their innocence and purity.

Over the past several weeks I have found myself pushing to come back here and assume my duties.

Have you ever fought yourself in a dream? You know that feeling when you are aware you are awake but you cannot simply control your body to get up and get moving? Where fighting to raise your arm or open an eye seems to take herculean effort? That's what it has been like for me to restart my Christmas spirit and take up again my Christmas duties. Yes, the tree is up but the lights aren't on, folks.

And it is sad because this is what I love to do most. How we lose track of such things when the chips are down and you've been punched in the gut.

But I think today I've finally opened my eyes. It has taken every ounce of strength to finally do it but I'm logged in...and I see many things to do.

This coming Christmas will be different for me. I knew it would be long ago, of course. I knew 2012 would be a crucial year of change as yet another of my children is transitioning from childhood to adulthood.

He's still a boy, in my eyes. Definitely not quite a man. And ever so much a child.

But Christmas for many of us is about a Child, too. And that, in and of itself, gives me hope.

Hope enough, I think, to once again get out of bed and turn on the lights.

I'm finding Christmas again. It's right here. Right where I left it.
Total Comments 2

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  1. Old Comment
    MerryCarey's Avatar
    I have no wise words to offer, but I sincerely wish you strength and comfort if your trials aren't over yet.
    Posted 03-09-2012 at 08:50 AM by MerryCarey MerryCarey is online now
  2. Old Comment
    hi jeff. sorry to hear all that. kids. but guess like everything time moves for them to and they go from babies to kids to teenages to adults. and sometimes the journey is not what we wood like for them. they make choices and they might be the right or wrong ones.
    Posted 03-09-2012 at 01:32 PM by shellie12 shellie12 is offline
 
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