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Running Away From Home

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Posted 06-18-2012 at 10:14 PM by caninemom3

Thinking back over the past few months makes me tired. There have been so many ups and downs even a yo-yo couldn't keep track. I have been sad that one of my MMC friends was diagnosed with cancer. I have been joyous because my husband and I finally seem to be communicating better than we ever did. I have been devastated to lose one of my furchildren. I have been exhilerated to be able to leave my old job where I was very unhappy for a new job working the shift I wanted only to be shot down and utterly disappointed because the new job did not work out and I had to crawl back to my old one.

During all of this I was going through a kind of agnostic period in my life. I have had doubts before but never like the doubts I had this time. It seemed as though the world and life and all the troubles that come with them were all crushing me and I had no place to turn. I actually felt for the first time ever that there was nobody there to hear me. I tried to listen but all I heard was silence, utter cold silence. I wanted to start running like a child running away from home but I had nowhere to run.

With the encouragement of some very wonderful and loving people here on MMC I was able to cope and keep going. I started reading a book called [I]The Case For A Creator by Lee Strobel. [/I]

Mr. Strobel was once a journalist with the Chicago Tribune and dead set in atheism. Until he met God. Then all of that changed and he is now a Christian and has been for the last several years. His books are all presented in a devil's advocate kind of way. He goes and talks to prominent theologans, scientists, etc., to get the whole gamut of opinions regarding God and faith. He doesn't just explore the opinions of people who believe.

When I started reading[I] Case For A Creator[/I] I was not sure if I would like it. I simply wanted to get more opinions about "things".

One evening, after reading for a particularly long time I was tired and decied to call it a night. As I lay falling asleep there was a very small voice, a quiet yet very powerful and loving presence with me. A presence I had only known as a child.

This presence told me "I am here. I am real. Don't be afraid for I will never leave you." I sat bolt upright in a cold sweat, heart beating a gazillion beats a minute. I was confused, breathless but SO extraordinally happy and yet also calm.

It was then that I realized God is so much more than what I ever thought "He" was. So HUGE and yet He can be so small. So powerful yet so meek.

I began to talk to the presence. I told it how sad I was that my friend has cancer, sad that Ivy had died and that I miss her terribly. Sad that there is so much going wrong right now. I sensed that the presence already knew all of this and was there for me at that moment because of all that had been going on.

It was like when my mother used to stroke my hair when I was little saying "there, there, punkin' it will all be okay."

I got a glimpse of God that night that I wish everyone could get. I had a closeness with Him I wish everyone could feel. The events since that night have still been quite tumultuous and haphazard but no matter, for I know that He IS and I am home again...
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    merrymistletoe's Avatar
    so beautifully said & so true! thank you cm2 for sharing this w/ us.
    Posted 06-19-2012 at 04:15 AM by merrymistletoe merrymistletoe is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Bradmac's Avatar
    I'm so happy for you, Louanne. I've worried about you since your last blog. It always seems that when it rains, it pours, and it can take a heavy toll.

    I don't have any doubt that the Lord understood this, too. I'm happy you're feeling better!
    Posted 06-19-2012 at 06:45 AM by Bradmac Bradmac is online now
  3. Old Comment
    Christmas-A-Holic's Avatar
    You told me about this book and it sounds like a good one. Sorry that life has been hard on you but it looks like things will improve with God in it!

    God Bless You!
    Posted 06-19-2012 at 09:28 AM by Christmas-A-Holic Christmas-A-Holic is online now
 

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