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Here Come The Demons

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Posted 12-26-2012 at 04:56 AM by caninemom3
Updated 12-26-2012 at 05:16 AM by caninemom3

Christmas is once again over. The build-up was as amazing as ever. On Thanksgiving I put up the tree and we had our traditional Thanksgiving feast, my husband and I and our furkids. On December 1, brimming with excitement as it was both my sister's birthday AND the day she and I put up her tree, I went to my sister's home for the coming celebrations of the day.

When my sister and I are together we are like little kids, both completely oblivious to what is going on around and just focused on each other and our own world. We "ooh and ah" at lights, decorations, carols, and everything at Christmastime. It was an amazing day. Later in the afternoon on December 1 my dear brother-in-law, who is really more of a brother than anything, took us to dinner, which is a custom when I go to their house to help decorate. Then back again to their house for more sister fun. When we were finished we stood back and looked very proudly at the beautiful tree we created and congratulated each other on being geniuses, at least in each others eyes.

We settled down that evening and watched A Christmas Carol with Alastair Sim then we bade goodnight. In the morning I went home when my husband came to get me and was greeted with a joyous, exuberant greeting from our 3 canines and a not so exuberant greeting from our felines (they seemed to have a "so you left us overnight and you want us to be happy you are back ?" attitude).

The rest of the Christmas Season has been so beautiful words cannot describe. The fellowship with others and the togetherness we all felt was abundant as we contemplated that yes, "perhaps Christmas doesn't come from a store, perhaps Christmas is a little bit more."

Christmas Eve, which was just two days ago was another beautiful day. I awoke very early and quietly listened to carols being softly sung on the television as I lay in the dark and prayed to Jesus and wished Him a Happy Birthday or at least a happy commemoration of His birth. My husband went to work and I drifted off surrounded by the glow of Christmas, the carols on TV and my furkids all snuggled up to me.

When I awoke, I got busy and wrapped presents while listening to my very favorite Christmas music. Nat King Cole, who brings back my childhood, Trans-Siberian Orchestra's album The Lost Christmas Eve, Bing, and Third Day. As the afternoon came I got ready and my very best friend of nearly 40 years and I, Susan, went to mass. We again, contemplated how Christ came to this world so poor, so lowly, and so humble for ALL of mankind. In the evening my husband and I went to my sister's home for Christmas Eve celebrations. We opened presents, joked, laughed and partook in the scrumptious treats my dear sister had made. As I watched everyone open their presents, I very quietly thanked God in my heart and mind that my sister and Wes, my dear brother-in-law were still here and in good health as 2012 had it's rough spots for Wes and my sister.

Later my husband and I returned to our own home and we opened our presents here.

I sit here now on December 26 in tears. The lights and decorations and carols will soon disappear soon and the world will return once more to its pre-Christmas state. I have always been a worrier. A severely serious worrier. It does no good but I cannot help myself. A lot of "what if's" crowd my mind this morning. I fear the new year as I always do. Each year, though, I find myself dreading the new year more and more because it means less time left. When I think of "what if" something would happen to my sister I become nearly hysterical. The flood of emotion is stifling and leaves me breathless - I could never and would never want to go on without her. She is the only family I grew up with that I have left. She IS Christmas to me. She is not only my friend, she is more. She is my very SOUL. Something calms my fears and tells me to calm down, that my sister is safe in her home and that it is best to take things one day at a time.

If this year is like all others I will struggle a while with this overwhelming blackness and sadness as the new year begins then perhaps, as in other years, it will lift and I will begin to go forward into 2013. If all goes well I will be 59 this year and my sister will be 70. Before the end of this year my husband and I have to come up with some way for me to have health insurance as the plan I am on through his retirement, is ending at the end of 2013. I will not worry about that for now. If my sister and Wes are safe and healthy, then God is in His heaven and all is right with my world and I can face anything carrying that within me.
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    Christmas-A-Holic's Avatar
    I love hearing about you and your sister's Christmas tradition! I know it's hard to do but try to not be upset when Christmas is over but cherish the memories that were made. I have to remind myself the same thing and it usually helps combat the after Christmas blues. Come visit us here when you are feeling down.

    I will pray that you have a worry free 2013! Take care and God Bless!
    Posted 12-27-2012 at 12:32 PM by Christmas-A-Holic Christmas-A-Holic is online now
  2. Old Comment
    Christmas-A-Holic's Avatar
    I also forgot to add how I tend to worry about losing loved ones too. It's an awful fear that gets to me sometimes. I pray we both can cherish our loved ones without having to worry about that all the time. (((hugs)))
    Posted 12-27-2012 at 12:38 PM by Christmas-A-Holic Christmas-A-Holic is online now
  3. Old Comment
    snowflake22's Avatar
    Thinking of you, Louann. I will keep you & your entire family (humans, canines, and felines!) in my prayers.
    I'm so glad to have found YOU, and so many other good friends here at MMC, to help keep Christmas alive year round. What a blessing you all are! Whenever you are feeling down, we are here for you. Sending lots of love, from your niece Harlowe & I. xo
    Posted 12-27-2012 at 08:39 PM by snowflake22 snowflake22 is offline
 



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