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Posted 05-03-2009 at 04:17 PM by Mumof2

There is nothing worse than fighting within yourself.What I mean is,Feelings that seem to take ahold of you and start to wring around you like a snake choking out its prey.I had the baby blues after my daughter,Isabella was born but nothing like this.I mean I didn't wanna go out,work,see friends,family or take calls from them.

I have always been an outdoor kinda gal! swimming,walking,biking etc..but this darn thing took ahold of me and I gained a bunch of weight!! yuck! I want my body back! more important I want my head back!

I can remember being on here and happy,playing out in the snow during the winter,playing with the kids in the fall.and you couldnt get me outta the water when the summer's here.but man it hit me out of nowhere in Feb. and Ive been Oscar the Grouch ever since! Ive since learned that for some reason this runs in my family,but the kicker is it strikes in our 30's! um,hello a lil warning woulda been nice.not like im an only kid here. 4 brothers and 2 living sisters! coulda said hey Vic,um just to let ya know,careful when you hit the 30 mark! lol
well,its over and done with now.I'm just worried about my Nephews and Nieces,some will be approching the 30 mark in a couple of Im going to make sure it don't sneek up on them.

So now the crying,anger,and all the other emotions are over.Im feeling like me again.I've got myself some help and its working.Don't let anyone tell ya its all in your head,ok so it is,but there is help.tell friends,family,Doctors anyone who will drag ya to the right place.

Now,Time to drag my big bum to the gym! thank god for the ymca! lol

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  1. Old Comment
    HolidayHoney's Avatar
    I am so glad that you pulled through this.....and the weight will come off! I've been there too!! Welcome Back To This Big Beautiful World!!!
    Posted 05-05-2009 at 10:45 PM by HolidayHoney HolidayHoney is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Mumof2's Avatar
    Thank You so much! It's good to be back.
    Posted 05-06-2009 at 12:53 PM by Mumof2 Mumof2 is offline
  3. Old Comment
    usafvet's Avatar
    Sorry I’m just now reading your blog. It’s been about a month since you have posted it, but none the less I would like to respond to it with a resounding sense of compassion and empathy as I too have visited this dark tumultuous path of depression, more times often than I wish I’d like to convey.

    It is somewhat amusing how one can find it therapeutic in typing to the world his/her problems via the internet. It is as if one can cast out his/her troubles into an empty void with the hope that someone out there will read and listen, and perhaps possess an understanding in regard to the problems we face. I find solace in that at times, even though I honestly assume that most of the time people very well may skim through what I consider to be the meat and potatoes of my long winded novels.

    I’ve battled depression off and on since being medically retired from the United States military due to medical ailments that occurred while serving in the Middle East. Though I am blessed to be alive with a wonderful family, it is at times difficult to cipher through bouts of depression and tendencies of hopelessness when every day is faced with dealing with physical pain caused by disabilities, daily medications and narcotics, and mental scars left from those who have minimized or discriminated my circumstances in the past. It is difficult…some moments I just sleep away the day and don’t feel like facing it, and unfortunately I’ve developed a sense of social anxiety at times against friends that I used to enjoy their company.

    With having a 3 year old that looks up to me, sometimes it has been difficult for me to want to be around him and give him the attention that he requires of me. I love him to death and I need to be the father that he needs, but when I battle with this depression (which sometimes makes be feel selfish and secluded), I just do not feel motivated to be the parent I need to be, which unfortunately leaves my wife to pick up the slack. I have been trying to get over some of this depression and one of the things I used to love was Christmas time. But even this past year, Christmas for me just doesn’t have its glow and magic that I needed. I guess I didn’t let it because I was over consumed.

    Lately, I have been trying to get out of my shell and realize the devastating affects my depression is having on my family. I have missed out on much and I cannot allow this to destroy what I am blessed with. I must say that the depression medications they tried to give me didn’t help…if anything I slept most of the time or felt like an undead zombie under the medication. I suppose the purpose is to regulate your mood or chemical balance, but what is the point of taking that medication when it turns you into a think less droid? Needless to say, I requested to get off that medication and I believe I’ve been for the better.

    Anyhow, I just wanted to comment and let you know that you are not alone. I am glad to read that you are slowly recovering from your depression and since you posted that about a month or so ago, I hope you have recovered significantly since then. Take care of yourself and may your focus continue to be on your family and those that care for you and need you. That that be your motivation and foundation in securing the stability you need as you press on through life. Hopefully, we all can be as strong.
    Posted 06-08-2009 at 03:15 AM by usafvet usafvet is offline
  4. Old Comment
    Mumof2's Avatar
    I am Doing Well.I still struggle with this each day,but I've noticed that im slowly becomming me again.
    Going out is hard,never thought I'd have a fear of being outside.But I know how it feels to let your other half pick up the slack.I've never been "Lazy" Ive worked,went to school,and took care of my kids.I did it all,and by myself too.
    I knew something was wrong last year.

    UsafVet..Christmas, like you said was not fun for me either,I thought maybe because I put up the tree's too early.maybe it was a part of it,but it wasn't all of it.I now know I've been struggling with this my whole life,and was just able to "pull" myself out in time to snap outta it.
    I feel grateful,for my friends and family for understanding that im getting better and in my view am me once again. I finally feel GREAT!!!
    Posted 06-09-2009 at 09:48 AM by Mumof2 Mumof2 is offline
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