Members Area
Countdown to Christmas --
Visit My Merry Christmas on Facebook!   Visit My Merry Christmas on Twitter!   Get My Merry Christmas on RSS
Navigation » Merry Forums of My Merry Christmas > Blogs > caninemom3 » The Monster Inside

My Merry Christmas Announcement


  Log-in
  Register



















» Stats
Members: 10,096
Threads: 53,979
Posts: 625,867
Top Poster: xmas365 (166,477)
Welcome to our newest member, K31E
Rate this Entry

The Monster Inside

Submit "The Monster Inside" to Digg Submit "The Monster Inside" to del.icio.us Submit "The Monster Inside" to StumbleUpon Submit "The Monster Inside" to Google
Posted 04-29-2011 at 12:44 PM by caninemom3

It's back. It has raised its ugly head once again. Only this is not a monster one can conquer with weapons or anything of that nature. This is a monster who lives within me, within my emotions and strikes when I am at my lowest. I am talking about my food addiction. I am a compulsive eater. Always have been. I have tried EVERYTHING including hypnosis, psychotherapy, behavior modification. EVERYTHING. You name it, I have done it.

The ONLY way I can put this monster in limbo is by staying away from all the foods I find to be trigger foods, which is almost anything but usually high fat foods, high carbohydrate foods, and the like.

Why am I like this ???? No matter what I do the monster always wins, ALWAYS. I may win a few battles but the monster always wins the war.

I try to think of other things when I get that compulsion to binge.......try to pay attention to music, books, my furchildren, take walks, take a nap (which is REALLY dangerous because in general the monster usually wakes me up and then I REALLY go at eating being half asleep).

I don't want to lose to the monster this time. I have kept the weight off nearly two years and I actually LIKE myself at this weight.

I don't know how to stop this. I have analyzed it from every angle I can think of. Even turned it over to God. I think though, at least for me, God expects me to fight this and not ask him to do things like one would ask a magical genie.

It started this time with just having a day or two "off" during the week and eating some of the foods I really love. Then it became three days then four and now I barely stay on my diet. Excuse my crudness but this just SUCKS. Food has ALWAYS been my comfort. When I was little and my parents would fight which was often, I turned to food. When David died, FOOD. When my husband now yells at me or if I have a particularly stress filled week like I just had .....FOOD. It is so accepting and asks nothing in return.......all it does is comfort....and add weight of course but when a person is in the throws of an eating disorder.......they do not think about the negatives.....The remorse comes AFTER the binge.......Just like with a drug addict or an alcoholic.......The big difference is we need food to live so stopping my addiction completely is not possible........

I am 56 and my old lady metabolism is certainly not going to take kindly to trying yet ANOTHER diet if I get heavy again.

I feel like just giving up. What does it matter ?? I am ugly anyway......It seems I have the sulks too. How attractive !!

So let's go at it monster.....Me against you again. Yep. I am going to fight you or try. I am praying this time I will be successful.
Posted in Uncategorized
Views 1974 Comments 3
Total Comments 3

Comments

  1. Old Comment
    MerryBells's Avatar
    Good luck from a fellow food addict. I had some nice cheesecake on Easter, and now all I want is carbohydrates again. Y'know what? I'm convinced that when we get to Heaven, desserts will be calorie free and lettuce will be fattening. Until then, I guess there's not a lot we can do except not buy the foods we really like.
    Posted 04-30-2011 at 04:30 PM by MerryBells MerryBells is offline
  2. Old Comment
    elf bazaar's Avatar
    I too have a horribly sweet tooth it really is a demon to me, I completely understand your pain, good luck with your demons
    Posted 05-04-2011 at 01:16 PM by elf bazaar elf bazaar is offline
  3. Old Comment
    xmas365's Avatar
    Louann,

    I know how food can consume you, I have put some weight back on after losing more than 20lbs. Be strong my friend, IMO part of it is probably caused by working overnight, it takes a bit to get your body used to doing that since it is not natural to be up all night. I hope you are able to slay this demon soon.
    Posted 05-04-2011 at 09:17 PM by xmas365 xmas365 is offline
 



Listen to the Merry Podcast NOW

Christmas Fans -- Ranking the Best of Christmas





2012 Founder's Award